It’s been a good run

In April 2012 I graduated from BYU-Idaho after the most rewarding semester of my college career. From there I hopped into a RV with my wonderful, albeit slightly crazy, Brazilian family and spent a month playing on the beach. Then I started my mission. I spent a year and a half helping others learn of Christ and follow him. I met people from all walks of life and I served them with my whole heart. I learned Spanish. I was a friend, cheerleader, mentor, and participant as lives changed for the better all around me. MY life changed forever. My mission was one of those events that completely tore apart the woman I used to be and put me back together far more lovely and strong than I ever had been previously. 

After this two-year whirlwind of finishing my bachelor’s degree and preparing for and serving my mission here I am. I'm just here at my parent’s house. I’ve been on vacation for the past 6 weeks and it has been wonderful. I have spent time with some of the dearest people in my life. I hugged every member of my immediate family. I laughed with long lost friends. I went to Canada for my first time ever and was reminded that normal life is fun and worth treasuring. I have had a long strand of good times, and I’m grateful for them.

Now comes the unwelcome truth--all good chapters must come to an end. Today felt like the end. It had been looming there in the corner for a while now, but today we had our first confrontation. If reality were a human it would have come in with a blanket and a mug of hot chocolate and said something along the lines of “sit down suga, this’un is gonna to be rough.” (In my mind reality comes with comfort food and an accent, deal with it.)

So, here I am. I am a college graduate. I am a returned missionary. I am also unemployed, and frustrated with my lack of professional, academic and social prospects. I am annoyed that this need I have to change the world seems unrealistic. I am tired of feeling socially inept.

Someone once told me to never worry about anything that will be insignificant two weeks from now. Two weeks from now I will be living in DC and fulfilling an internship. I will have reunited with yet more long lost friends. By then it is likely that I will have reverted back to my “I can do anything good” attitude. However, for right now I’m just a little scared, and I decided that it’s okay. If there were never fear there would never be a reason to be courageous. 

Graduation With a Hint of Nostalgia

Two weeks ago today I woke up in a tornado of a half packed room. I wandered around the kitchen giving partial attention to the stove I was supposed to be cleaning while trying to squeeze in some last minute studying for my very last final. I finally gave up, assuming I would fail, and went off to the testing center. By some miracle I managed a 98 on the test, and I was done. It was snowing so I ran home without celebration. I opened the door to the half empty apartment that had been my home for a semester and just started screaming. I jumped on couches. I cried. I laid on my back and kicked my legs up and down. I hugged my roommate. But mostly I just alternated between shouting "I'm done!" "98!" and other random screaming.

 

Alex Zeller, Anna Attebury, Christopher Swanberg

Ruth Arnell

I graduated. One more time, I graduated. I put on some funny looking robes and I dressed them up with high heels and lots of red, white, and black. I joked with dear friends. I listened to a speech in which I was labeled a "Viking Warrior" and got a bit teary eyed. I hugged a woman who I greatly admire as she told me that my senior paper blew her away. That simple comment filled my whole body with hope and provided that little boost of confidence one needs before they take the world head on. I walked across a stage, was handed an empty diploma envelope, took some pictures, and that was it. I was...I am done.

I spent the rest of the weekend packing up and saying goodbye to family and friends in Rexburg; and letting all the graduationy feelings sink in. It's strange to think that I won't make any more hikes to the Ricks building. I will no longer craft the perfect schedule to make sure I have at least one class with Duane, Ruth, and Trent, and that gone are the days of prefacing each of their surnames with Brother or Sister. I have lost my venue for overly loud rants about administration blunders, men, and poverty. In honesty, I feel slightly lost. I now live with this sort of hole in my heart that close friends and mentors used to fill with intelligent conversation/debate, uplifting and encouraging ideas, reading and music recommendations, and phenomenal comedic relief. It's just strange. For years the Ricks building was my home then one little strut across a stage and *poof* it's gone.

I'll miss my dear friends and roommates. I'll miss my professors. I'll miss class debates. I'll miss Pi Sigma Alpha and simulations. I'll miss the constant learning. I'll miss the feeling of endless opportunity. I'll miss a lot of things, but, let's be real, I'm also glad it's over. The feeling of accomplishment is almost intoxicating. There were so many times that I almost gave up, or transferred, or changed my major just one more time; but in the end everything worked out just the way it was supposed to. I'm going to steal from my friend Charles (Dickens that is) and say "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us."

please ignore the alien eyes

I'm so glad that my family was there to share in this special time with me. They're all incredibly busy and for them to take time from their schedules to celebrate this achievement meant a lot. They helped me pack, they took a lot (a lot!) of pictures so that I have precious memories, they took me to a fancy dinner over looking the Salt Lake City LDS Temple, and before I knew it the weekend was over and they were gone. I'm very fortunate to have a family full of strong and motivating people. Their company and conversation reminded me that I have much to do and become now that my undergrad days are over. I'm excited for the new paths my life is capable of taking. I hope the sense of passion that was my constant companion throughout college will do nothing but grow stronger as I take all the things I've learned both in and out of classrooms and make my place in the world. I hope I make changes for the better, however small they may be.

Teary Goodbyes, Happy Hellos

2012. This is it.

New Year's Eve is always one of my favorite parts of the holiday season. I feel like sometimes it doesn't get enough credit for how fantastic of a holiday it is. For the past five years I have been attending the annual Russ fire. This generally guarantees really tall structures that, when lit, become burning towers of pyromanic joy. If you want to know what I mean you should check out the videos here and here. Really. I'm serious. Go watch the videos.

This year was a tad on a lower key.  There was less in the way of tower height and people attending, and more in the way of fireworks. Which is also fantastic. I do not discriminate in my love and appreciation for explosions of any type. I leave that for people who understand big words and physics.

It was nice to spend the evening with a smaller group of people who I really love. I was in a bit of a funk for most the night. A funk which only got worse after getting marshmallow in my hair and then later accidentally burning off some of my hair. It was one of those times when all the little things weighing on my mind were given permission to break the surface at once. At one point I may have curled up into a ball, buried my head in my friend's chest, and shed a few tears. Which is always awkward for me, but it turned out alright.

2011 was an incredible year, one that I didn't let go of easily. Here are the highlights:

Baby: Going to Detroit to help welcome baby Andrew Rice into the world.

Medieval Times: Celebrating my little sister's 20th birthday with some good old fashioned jousting.

Disney: Reunion with Courtney and Israel. Eating lots of delicious foods, riding all my favorite rides, seeing all my favorite shows, and talking talking talking with some very dear friends. Glorious.

Shows: Going to Wicked with Mom and Adam. They loved it as much as I do. We may have sang Defying Gravity together once or twice on the way home.

South Africa: No one specific story or event, just all of it. The people, the places, the food, the UNIC, the everything. A piece of my heart has taken up permanent residence in Pretoria, South Africa and will live there forever more. I never thought I would grow so much, love a place so much, learn so much in that small of a time. There aren't really enough words to express how perfectly tailored this experience was for me and my needs at that specific time. Perfect.

EFY: The name-tag rebellion. Trying to determine if I ever have felt like a plastic bag. Harry Potter. New friends. The kids. The wonderful, smart, spiritual, good kids. The learning we did together. It was great. Believe, Hope, Edure that's all I got to say.

Provo: Julie. Hollie. Sean. Boyd and Lloyd, the best hometeachers and dear friends. Michelle. 191st ward. HELP International. Figuring out my life. Learning how to knit. Talking into the night. Doing Utah specific things. Jane Austen movies. Fall colors. All good.

Thanksgiving: Family, Friends, Muppets, and gluttony. 

Costa Rica: Vacation bliss. 

And now it's over. It went fast.

Maybe it's because everyone is growing up. Maybe it's because I'm graduating. Maybe it's because I'm going on a mission. Maybe it's because of a lot of things all together. All I know is that the end of a lot of things felt tangible as 11:59 turned to 12:00 and took away 2011 with it.

I'm grateful for good memories though, they add to the excitement of the future.  I'm trying to keep in mind what Jeffrey R. Holland said, "We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives." 

On the agenda for 2012 are a lot of unknowns. Graduation and mission are the only certainties. I don't exactly know what to expect with either endeavor, which made resolution making difficult this year. So I only have three:

1. Follow the Spirit

2. Be happy while I'm here, because there's no here there

3. Don't pick at zits

Sunday lessons: thou shalt think before you speak

I live in Utah these days. I know I've mentioned this before, but normally I'm teasing the state or myself when I mention that fact about my life. Today, however, I'm really happy that I live in Utah. Why, you ask? Five words: Music and the Spoken Word. That's why.

A Louisianan friend from efy found herself in Utah this weekend with a hankering for some MoTab. So we filled Gus with a couple more efyers and off to Temple Square we went. Let it be known that Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing as arranged by Mack Wilberg is my absolute favorite hymn at the moment; and today's broadcast closed with that song. The music filled my soul, found my pride, beat it to a pulp, then left me with the hope that I can be so much better than I currently am. "Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for thy courts above." I am so grateful to have witnessed that presentation and to feel of the testimony shared there.

Utah, you have your perks.

In fact, Utah, since I'm being nice to you today I'll keep talking about how awesome spending Sunday on Temple Square is. It's stunning. You can't help but be completely overcome by the sheer majesty of the Salt Lake Temple. I admire and greatly appreciate the effort and sacrifices made by early saints to build a "sacred structure where the Lord could teach, guide, and bless" them and future saints.

The visitor's center, also great. It's filled with cute sister missionaries who are such pleasant company and great conversationalists. One even thought that we were all childhood friends, what a compliment. Then we listened to a presentation in Spanish, and I understood it! Happy day in the world? I think so

Another favorite from my Sunday on the Square was watching countless presentations of I'm a Mormon. They are incredibly uplifting stories of real people. Each story ended with the person explaining their different roles in life (fathers, mothers, teachers, publicists, professional football players, olympians, lawyers, friends, painters, etc.) followed by the standard quote "and, I'm a Mormon." Sometimes I couldn't contain myself and would follow up by cheering "yeah you are!" or "I just love him/her." I'm probably not the most reverent person alive, and I should probably learn to think before I speak seeing as this action repeated itself anywhere from three to seven different times. But, ya know, sometimes I can't help myself. My heart gets so full of happiness, and confidence, and triumph, and other goodness...and sometimes it has nowhere to go, so it comes out my mouth.

Stephanie, Michelle, and Sean you are absolutely wonderful. I'm so glad I spent my Sunday with you three. You are all amazing and inspiring people, and I definitely look up to each of you. Oh, and thanks a whole lot for putting up with my ridiculous nature.

Anyway, I guess all I'm trying to say is that my name is Jari Santos. I'm 22 and still learning to think before I speak, I love spending time with good friends at good places, I'm about to graduate and have no idea where my future is headed, I'm loud, I like to travel, I'm a halvsie, and I'm a Mormon.

(I'm sorry that I sound all kinds of crazy, bright-eyed and bushy tailed. But, hey, you're the one who stayed to read. So happy Sunday to you.)

Oh, hey 2011

Where'd you come from?

That's exactly how I feel about this whole ordeal. It's kind of sad saying farewell to such a lovely year, like 2010. So a moment of reflection...

Avatar: To some just a movie. To me, an experience that helped me survive winter in Rexburg. It led to good friends, hot springs, dancing at a random gas station in Utah. Oh the power of the movies.

Meso America Tour: 1 month, 32 students, 4 awesome professors, 3 countries, one of the most wonderful things of my BYU-Idaho career. Yes.

EFY: 1, 2, 3 DEGREES! Matt Reynolds, best co-co EVER! Best kids ever! Hearing my brother bear his testimony for the first time ever! Crying, laughing, and learning more than I ever thought possible in a 6 day period. EFY was a very good idea and I hope to repeat the experience.

Sissy got married: Blake Russ is now part of the family, love him. Annalee is happier than ever, and I'm so happy for her. The brazilians came to town, lovely. It was such a happy and emotional time. Annalee is my very best friend in this world and I loved being a part of this new part of her life. Awesome, just awesome.

The cruise: Such a lovely and gluttonous vacation. Dad actually took a vacation!! Went parasailing with Adam. Ate, ate, ate. Came in 2nd on a disney trivia challenge. Laughed, ate, snorkeled, ate, hung out with the family, ate, watched amazing shows, ate. Yes, it was fantastic.

2010 was awesome, no doubt. However, I have always been partial to odd-numbed years. They have always been good to me. 2005, went to brazil. 2007, started hanging out with the "FPP," graduated from high school. 2009, decided what I'm doing with my life, made amazing friends, lived with my sister in Rexburg, Fall '09 best semester EVER! So 2011 has a lot to live up to.

The resolutions/plans for the year:

Internship in South Africa. My only goal with this is to do the absolute best I can, and not get mugged or raped.

EFY take two? We'll see.

Only eat junk food if it's an experience.

Graduate from college, get my life plan rolling.

Live like this:

Jari's "Affirmation"

So I like lots of people, places, and things. Nouns are just the best! Let's start here:

People:

I like my Timber! I like my Lexie! I like my Ryans! I like my Jordans! I like all my volunteers!

Places:

I like my Rexburg! I like Mesa Falls! I like the Sand Dunes! I like BYU-Idaho!

Things:

I like the Taco Bus! I like light sabers! I like bon fires! I like my bed! I like my laptop!

I can do ANYTHING good! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

The Waiting Place

Ladies and Gentlemen I'm afraid that I've run at a break-necking pace off to a very useless place. The Waiting Place. What is the Waiting Place? Well I should probably let the Dr. explain himself

(From Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go")

The Waiting place...

...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come, or a plane to go

or the mail to come, or the rain to go

or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

or the waiting around for a Yes or No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for the wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a better break

or a string of pearls or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or another chance.

Everyone is just waiting.

(As a disclaimer "Oh the Places You'll Go" is a personal favorite, I refer to it often. Do not be shocked if it makes multiple appearances on this blog)

So, I'm in the Waiting Place. What am I waiting for? I'm waiting for school to start, and then for school to end. I'm waiting for life to happen, but not quite.

I'm not making much sense, am I? Maybe that's the point. I'm not really sure what the point is, or what the point is supposed to be even.

All I know is that right now I live at home, and home suddenly doesn't feel so homey. Though that is mostly due to the fact that everyone went back to school and work this week, and I'm still here...sitting. BUT I start heading back for Idaho on Saturday.

So, specifically what am I waiting for? For Fall Semester 2010. I am waiting for something productive to do with my time. I'm waiting for classes, homework, paychecks, a student ward, for an internship offer, and for graduation.

Less specifically, I'm waiting for the rest of my life. I know one phase of my life is quickly coming to an end, and another will soon start. I just don't know what the title of the next chapter is yet. To say I'm terrified is an understatement. Family and close friends have expressed a lot of confidence in me, I sure hope it's not ill-founded.

I guess it's just a waiting game. (Sorry, that was my best attempt at being punny.)

An Update

I haven't sunshined in a while tons has gone on, life is crazy, I still write like a see spot run book.

-Gus-gus the Nissan is undergoing surgery. He's getting a new engine. This is happy.

-I participated in the Model Arab League, I did really bad. I did, however; learn a lot about Saudi Arabia and parliamentary procedure AND went to Montana for the first time ever. Cool.

-I've been homeless. For over a week now. It's getting old. I slept on a park bench, and am currently mooching off the kindness of my friends and their willingness to give me beds to sleep on and good food to eat. I hate mooching. I hate not having a home. This is not fun.

-I leave for Mexico in a matter of 4 days...I also do not know where my passport is. It's ok though. All will be well.

-I have been visiting abandoned houses. They make me happy.

-I like to swim, I have friends who like to swim, we went swimming.

-Hamburgers, they just rock house.

I've been doing lots more, but my brain is mush and I have class in 10 minutes, so this is all for now.

Banana Bread and the People Watching Place

So, I'm all about having good things to look at while I study. I generally try to find a good window to sit next to and prop up the laptop...then I usually fall asleep and no homework gets done. All the same, I like having good scenery, I'm not one to be locked up with just white walls to look at, no fun. So today I found myself a cushy chair that overlooks one of the main walkways of campus, why I haven't known of this place before beats me. Anyway, So I started to think about doing my homework but then decided that people watching was much more fun. So here I sit, eating my banana bread, looking out the window (which the bars kind of make it look like prison), and photo-documenting the whole thing. Creeper status?

Now this random underline just showed up and I can't make it go away...awesome. In other news, I was talking to one of my more favorite professors today and mentioned my frustration with my grade in religion class. I said that I was getting graded on my testimony, and that the teacher gave me a C-. My professor started laughing hysterically and then just walked away. Life fail.

I enter the blogging world

I'm taking a family history class this semester, and we were required to choose from a list of pertinent semester projects. Some of the options included compiling journals from relatives, doing geneaology and temple work _x_ amount of generations back, compiling my own history, or start a blog. Since I have family history guru's on both sides, most of the stuff mentioned has already been done, and I would feel like a dead beat for taking an A based on the work they did. So here I sit, starring down a computer screen, ready to type in my life happenings into this little box for my future generations, and the rest of the internet world, to read. Huzzah.

2010 is still pretty fresh, and I am still amazed by the fact that I have a very vivid memory of the happenings over the past decade, and so with out further ado I present a decade of highlights:

2000:

• 5th grade science class: the albino rats, the pig project, the cow tounge
• The strike on the hill, we were way to cool to be forced to run around at recess
• Fort Basketball games
• 5th Grade graduation, first class to graduate from the new school
• Starting middle school, more importantly, learning to play the flute

2001:

• The traumatic "my friend stabbed me in the back" experience
• Jari/Corrie/Emily sleepovers
• My las year with Eisenhower soccer, combining with the rival soccer team to become "Vipers United"
• Moving from 22nd flute to 6th flute right before the concert, which means I got to sit on the front row for the concert.
• The train song
• The perm
• The music festival
• The fires, and yard remodeling

2002

• Middle school volleyball
• The diagnosis, the tears, the visits, the funeral, and trying not to laugh through the grandkids song because I really don't handle sad situations well at all.
• Cleaning through the home of a pack rat
• Moving to Florida. Rain. Lizards. Black people.

2003

• Atlanta trip
• Flute solo competition for Mrs. Rose
• Moving again, Ocala
• The shoe game

2004

• Riding in cars with Amanda McKinney
• After school adventures with Becky
• Annalee went to Brazil
• Zoom
• Mutual activities
• First EFY, the purple bow tie club
• Braces

2005

• More High School, I think I purposely forgot a lot of that
• Scored my first goal of my 8 year soccer career (I'm a defender)
• I was in the same EFY group as Blake, strange
• Brazil
• Brazilian family, noise, Frances beach, fried cheese, pineapple drinks, churassco
• My first concert, Saia Rodada
• My first kiss
• New Years Eve in white on the beach
• Lunches at Tia Vaniha's

2006

• Moved back to the US
• Worked for Brazen (Teen Abstinence Program)
• Went on my first date
• Was introduced to and fell in love with Gus Gus the Nissan. We've been going 3 years strong.
• I was made seminary president...I made a cute sign for the classroom. It's still hanging there.
• I went to my first Russ New Year's Eve fire

2007

• I had my first boyfriend
• Psychology class with Mr. Gwynn...better known as Gwynnbo, or Gwynn Green
• I started to hang out with the FPP, which means I was introduced to Moe monday, the limepits, Sister Russ' cinnamon rolls, late night/early morning Denny's runs, Mamba Jamba, snorkeling, and I skipped my senior prom to go to Wet'n'Wild...and got kicked out
• I swam with dolphins
• I graduated from high school, and haven't looked back since
• My family and I went on a vacation to Aspen Grove...I realized how brown I really am
• I went to the Beach Trip with the Russ'
• I turned 18, and saw Cirque du Soleil for the first time
• We made a crazy gingerbread village for Christmas

2008

• I drove 2356 miles away from home to go to BYU-Idaho
• I planned an international food and dance festival
• I later planned a luau and officially decided that polynesians are my favorite people on this earth
• I auditioned to be a character for Disney World, I didn't get the gig, but the audition process was awesome
• I worked as a Professor of Imagination at Walt Disney World, EPCOT
• I watched a lot of fireworks
• I watched seasons 1-4 of LOST in one month
• I voted for the first time, in a Presidential election
• I saved a baby sea turtle on my 19th birthday

2009

• I drove from Florida to Idaho without my mother...and made it
• I managed the school's humanitarian service project, and later coordinated that same project along with the blood drive
• I explored through some ice caves
• I went through a really rough experience and realized again how grateful I am for the gospel in my life
• I decided to be a Political Science major
• I went to Disneyland...a lot
• I went to Vegas a lot
• I went on the most amazing road/camping/hiking trip of my life with one of my most favorite sister
• I went to New York for the first time
• I stopped being a teenager, and had a funeral for my teenage years
• I served as a council member for a program called Student Spirit Events, and it changed my life

Just simple memories that probably don't mean anything to anyone but me. I just think it's crazy that I've come from being a 5th grader who sat on top of a hill, with her classmates, protesting against being forced to exercise during recess (oh the beginnings of puberty, and stinky sweat) to a 20 year girl who lives in Idaho, is considered a "student leader," and enjoys discussions that revolve around foreign affairs. I guess now's the part where I make goals for the next year and do my very best to a) remember them and b) complete them...here goes nothing

1. Read the Book of Mormon in Spanish
2. Find and internship
3. Record my adventures
4. (and for the sake of family history class) Find a member of my family whose temple work hasn't been done, and do it!

Here goes nothing