In April 2012 I graduated from BYU-Idaho after the most
rewarding semester of my college career. From there I hopped into a RV with my
wonderful, albeit slightly crazy, Brazilian family and spent a month playing on
the beach. Then I started my mission. I spent a year and a half helping others
learn of Christ and follow him. I met people from all walks of life and I
served them with my whole heart. I learned Spanish. I was a friend,
cheerleader, mentor, and participant as lives changed for the better all around
me. MY life changed forever. My
mission was one of those events that completely tore apart the woman I used to
be and put me back together far more lovely and strong than I ever had
been previously.
After this two-year whirlwind of finishing my bachelor’s
degree and preparing for and serving my mission here I am. I'm just here at my
parent’s house. I’ve been on vacation for the past 6 weeks and it has been
wonderful. I have spent time with some of the dearest people in my life. I
hugged every member of my immediate family. I laughed with long lost friends. I went to
Canada for my first time ever and was reminded that normal life is fun and worth treasuring. I have had a long strand of good times, and I’m grateful
for them.
Now comes the unwelcome truth--all good chapters must come
to an end. Today felt like the end. It had been looming there in the corner for
a while now, but today we had our first confrontation. If reality were a human
it would have come in with a blanket and a mug of hot chocolate and said
something along the lines of “sit down suga, this’un is gonna to be rough.” (In
my mind reality comes with comfort food and an accent, deal with it.)
So, here I am. I am a college graduate. I am a returned
missionary. I am also unemployed, and frustrated with my lack of professional,
academic and social prospects. I am annoyed that this need I have to change
the world seems unrealistic. I am tired of feeling socially inept.
Someone once told me to never worry about anything that will
be insignificant two weeks from now. Two weeks from now I will be living in DC
and fulfilling an internship. I will have reunited with yet more long lost
friends. By then it is likely that I will have reverted back to my “I can do anything
good” attitude. However, for right now I’m just a little scared, and I decided
that it’s okay. If there were never fear there would never be a reason to be
courageous.
